"I've come back to this city, where names
are given to distances as if to human beings,
and the numbers are not of bus routes,
but: 70 After, 1917, 500
B.C.E., Forty-eight. These are the lines
you really travel on." - Yehuda Amichai
"This blog does not supply iodine, which is a necessary nutrient. Please take all posts with a grain of salt."
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Constants and Variables
I thought I was so different. I'm stronger, cleaner, newer than I was a year ago. Than I was before I went to ModelBehavior's home. And yet I'm still that little girl, that little 14 year old girl who thought that being strong was proving that she could stand alone, but who found someone she needed anyway. That girl that would play games that hurt her, like ignoring her best friend, her gentleman friend, because they were trying to see who would break first. Or, in retrospective terms, trying to see who was really in control of the relationship. And here I am, again. Not the same girl at all, not the same situation at all, but still playing these foolish games.
Well, I've changed. And I can recognize this for what it is. Though I still want to be strong, strength doesn't mean being alone, or stoic, or proud. Sometimes it means being the one to say you're sorry. Sometimes it means recognizing the truth, or admitting your weakness or your need. And I'm going to be that kind of strong.
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