Post Trek Reflections

Wow. Trek was indescribable. I can't describe it. It was amazing. If I had known beforehand what it would be like, I wouldn't have gone. It was so brutal and so horrible and so miserable. But, that being said, I'm so glad I went. At the end, I wouldn't trade those experiences, those lessons, those tears, jokes, and muscles :) for anything. I could say I learned so much about myself, but that's not quite it. It's more like I realized that the Lord is with us through everything, and that we really won't be challenged above what we can bear. We most definitely will be challenged above what we think we can bear, because that's how we grow. That was what the women's pull was like for me.

It was freezing, windy, and raining that day, Friday, and I was pretty soaked in spite of my orange poncho. The leaders seemed to be taking us up and down hills just for fun. We reached the top of one of the big hills, and I just sat down on the wet ground and realized I'd given everything I had. I couldn't get up and go get water, or go talk to the Brown or Yellow families. I just couldn't go any farther. I didn't know what to do. I was ready to give up, but I couldn't, since I was the Big Sister, and I had to set the example. Then, thank heavens, we went downhill, and I somehow managed to go farther. But I was still getting very nervous about making it up the women's pull. When we had our next break at the "Emerald City" after that big hill, I told Glen, and Danny, that I wasn't sure if I could make it up the women's pull. Danny gave me a hug, a cute smile, and told me "You can do it, Lee!" Glen gave me his serious face and told me to have faith. I did. I tried.

After that break, we pulled over flat ground until we got to a slightly giant hill. We pulled a few feet up it, and then pulled over and stopped, and they took our men away. It was really hard watching them go, not just because we needed them, but because I loved them, and if you really got into the spirit of it, who knows if they were all coming back. Our leaders told us stories about the women who were left behind by the Mormon Battalion, and it was a touching time for all of us. They told us that we could pray for strength as we struggled up the hill, and told us that they knew that we'd have the help we needed to make it up the hill. I wasn't so sure.

That doubt was mainly a result of the trek I gone on with my ward a couple of years earlier. It had been at Martin's Cove, and those handcarts were about 200 pounds lighter, the temperature had been in the 100s, the trails were easier, and there were more girls to pull our handcart. That had been hard enough. I didn't know how I'd pull a handcart up a dirt track when it was 300 pounds heavy with only help from 4, really 3, other girls.

This time our Ma wasn't even able to help us. There were times when we literally couldn't move the handcart. We'd yell out encouragement to each other, count to three, and give a big heave-ho. But when we got to the men, we had to be silent. No more communication between the front and the back of the handcart. That was hard. When we got stuck, which happened often, our ma would count to three on her fingers, but it's not like the front and back could both see that. It was so incredibly hard. I already felt like I was going to throw up by the time we got to the men. I always look forward to seeing their faces, seeing them serious and caring for once, but I forget that I'm too dang busy and exhausted to pay attention. We got stuck right in front of Glen and Nick. I guess I should have felt a little embarrassed, but I just wanted to sit down and cry. I knew there was no way that only 5 people could move that cart, be they girls or boys.

Somehow, we struggled through and made it to nearly the top of the hill, which is where everyone gives out, since they're almost there, but not quite. All of us were exhausted, and we couldn't go much further. All of a sudden, the cart starts pushing us, literally. I can't describe my feelings when I looked to my left and saw Tyler, my Big Brother. All our brothers were there, pushing the cart, and us. I loved them all so much then. In fact, I don't think I've ever loved anyone more than I loved my brothers at that moment. I think I understood at least a miniscule amount of what the Lord feels for each of us. I still love them so much as I think about it now.

Although I gave everything I thought I had on that hill, I realize in hindsight that I think I was relying too much on the girls pushing in back. But, the amazing thing is, in just about every family, when the girls talked to each other about their experiences, the girls realized that each felt like they'd underperformed. So where did that extra strength come from? Heaven only knows.

There's my first post-trek reflection for you. Many more to come, I hope.