So...The University is a biiiiiggg place. Which is good, and bad. Good, because you can reinvent yourself for just about any situation at any time, and no one will know you're acting different. For one class, you can be the refined and witty girl from Northern England. The next, you can be the emo hiding behind your black hood. Or, you could just go from social introvert to extrovert, and no one will comment on the change. But, the bad thing is, you get lost. Some days I feel like I'm floundering, just waiting for someone to come along and shout hello to me, someone I know. I have times where I feel like I need someone to have some expectations for me. I almost don't know what to do with the freedom I have. It's wonderful, but it's uncomfortable. It's like wearing a formal compared to your pajamas. One makes you feel so much more attractive and beautiful, but the other is infinitely more comfortable, familiar, and welcome.
I have days where I just want to quit meeting new people and run back and hide myself in my high school, where all you needed to do was place a first name beside a last name, and people could figure out who you were talking about. Here, out of 30,000 people, you have to introduce yourself with your major and your hometown if there's any hope of anyone remembering you. I find myself scanning the crush of bodies every day between classes for a face I know. I'm so eager to stop and exchange stories with people I hardly even smiled at before, like SOB and Keith. And they often have the same need for familiarity. Even Supreme Dictator, who is so often Mr. Stone-face-and-heart, admitted to RedHot and me that he was so glad to see us; that he missed us, even!
If only I'd appreciated what I had when I had it. On the bright side, I guess it makes me appreciate the high school friends and acquaintances that I've kept until now even more.
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